The John Report: The WWE Raw Deal for 11/08/10 (Ten Man Tag)
Live from Manchester, England this is the Raw Deal. There was no Jerry Lawler this week because he had a knee surgery and stayed at home. Josh Mathews filled in. He did fine. Unlike Lawler he actually pays attention to stuff.
We started out with the usual promofest. Mr. sad face John Cena was in the ring reading a prepared statement written by Wade Barrett, which introduced Wade to his hometown Manchester crowd. He got booed coming out in his hometown with Nexus at his side. Otunga got scolded by Barrett for taking the group to Smackdown and losing. Cena and Barrett had a funny exchange at one point. Wade: “What happened to you John?” Cena: “Well first it started out as a joke when I rapped on Thanksgiving, then I started to wear my hat backwards.” Wade: “I mean what happened last week John!” That was clever. I admit. Randy Orton comes out, says he doesn’t care who the ref is because his goal is to keep the belt away from Barrett. The GM buzzed in to announce the title match at Survivor Series could be won by only pinfall or submission, which I guess means it’s a no DQ, no countout match. Later tonight it’s Team Barrett vs. Team Orton in a ten man tag (just like Smackdown had) with Orton finding out his team later.
The Bellas & Eve d. Maryse, Tamina & Alicia (*)
The faces were dressed like Manchester United players while the heels were dressed like Liverpool players. The Bellas did the ole switcheroo for the win. That’s why they are my idols. And it’s why I move on. Filler.
Backstage, Otunga was talking to the Nexus guys about being united when Barrett walked him. He told him he’d be facing Cena later in the show. So Barrett gets to book matches? Otunga sold it by having a sad face.
The Usos d. The Hart Dynasty (*1/4)
A story more than a match. Cole put over how much he likes Tyson Kidd, but he doesn’t like DH Smith. I guess that means Tyson will be the heel when they break up? I dunno. It only went about 4 minutes, Tyson was getting beatdown, DH wasn’t wanting to tag, but he eventually got the hot tag and cleaned house. They should have put over the fact that his dad was the British Bulldog while in the UK. The action was wild, Tyson missed a dropkick on the floor, then ate a superkick and in ring DH turned around only to get kicked too. Jey Uso finished him off with the Superfly Splash. The slow breakup of THD continues.
They also announced during this match that the Natalya title match at Survivor Series would be against Michelle & Layla in a handicap match. I’d assume Natalya wins there. I hope so.
Next week’s Raw is a 3 hour “Old School” Raw. Cue Rock rumors. Highly doubt it, folks. They’re bringing in mostly stars from the 80s and Mean Gene Okerlund will be doing interviews. Maybe he can stare at women’s breasts while he talks to them like in the old days. Classic!
Backstage, Striker was interviewing Orton and Miz showed up to say he would be on his team in the main event. Did he say he talked to the GM or did I hear that wrong? I dunno. You don’t have to email me to tell me.
More backstage, this time with Otunga and Nexus again. He wants them to have his back, but Gabriel said Wade didn’t tell them. It’s like needing a permission slip to go on a field trip in grade two.
Goldust d. Ted Dibiase (*)
This feud is still going on? Ted lost again in 3 minutes like he does every week. Maryse grabbed the belt, Aksana came out, took the belt, that distracted Ted and Goldust rolled him up for the pin. During the match the announcers said the belt was worth $1 million dollars. It looks like it’s worth $20, but I’m sure three people believed them. I guess the feud continues? I have no idea.
Two quick things. I did an interview with my friend Mickie James that I posted earlier on Tuesday. It was a lot of fun and we argued about a particular chick flick that I’ve never seen. Check me out on Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport where I try to have a lot of fun every day. Lots of sarcastic comments, plus you’ll get links as soon as I post a column or podcasts.
John Cena d. David Otunga (*1/4)
Another 4 minute match. Otunga had the Nexus crew with him, but Barrett sent them away. Cena was in happy mode here. Otunga’s offense is very basic. He doesn’t impress me much in the ring, but I agree with most that say he has good potential on the microphone. Cena hit him with the AA and then he tapped out to the STF. Routine match. The crowd did a mixed chant for Cena, but they mostly liked him.
Backstage, Barrett says Otunga is wrestling Edge on Smackdown this week. Isn’t Otunga a Raw wrestler and why is Barrett making matches on Smackdown now? I know it’s wrong of me to ask questions, but this is obvious stuff.
TEA TIME WITH SANTINO! YES! I put it in all caps. I loved this segment. Santino came out with Kozlov dressed in traiditional British attire. He plugged some British TV characters to some nice pops and wanted to invited the man from “Irishland” who he called “Shaymoose” for some tea time. They literally had a table in the ring with tea on it. There were so many good things about this segment with Santino accidentally insulting Sheamus the whole time. “Don’t make him anger, please. I don’t like it when he’s anger.” Ha! I don’t have time to go over it all, but I’ll give you the youtube link so you can watch it. My favorite part was when Santino wondered aloud why Sheamus didn’t like him. Then Kozlov said in his broken English that it’s because Santino beat Sheamus. Kozlov: “It was the biggest upset in double double e history! Ever!” Cue the “Kozlov” chant. That really had me rolling this week. This whole segment was fantastic. It broke down when Santino spilled tea on Sheamus. The GM announced they’d have a match.
Sheamus d. Santino via DQ (1/2*)
Not much of a match. Santino, who had his ring gear on under his suit, kept running away. The GM buzzed in to say if Santino didn’t wrestle he could be suspended. Santino powered up outside, went into his Cobra mode and got knocked down right away. He ended up getting DQ’d with a blatant low blow. Then he celebrated with the trumpet. Sheamus booted his head off. He went for his finish again, but John Morrison came out again to save Santino. He’s like his knight in shining armor. More build to Sheamus vs. Morrison. Fine by me. I loved this whole segment. Santino was outstanding.
Backstage, Cena was watching the ad for WrestleMania 27 where they plugged ticket sales going up on Saturday. Well played, WWE. Barrett said at Survivor Series, Cena has to do the right thing or he’ll never experience a WrestleMania again. So being fired means you could never be re-hired? I never knew that.
They did a Stand Up for WWE segment. The wrestlers that are second and third generation talk about how they were born for this. A couple of them were heels in the next match, yet they were talking as if they were normal people. Does this confuse younger fans? I’m not sure why WWE needs to keep kissing their ass. Who are we standing up against? The election is over. Move on.
Team Barrett d. Team Orton (**1/2)
Orton’s team was R-Truth, Daniel “face in peril” Bryan, Mark Henry and The Miz. The best part was that when Henry was announced as part of the team, Orton had a big smile. Who doesn’t love Mark Henry? He’s the man. KOOL-AID~! for all! I had some on my birthday last week. With vodka. Or it may have been something else. I don’t remember that well. Let’s move on. Cena was ref. The match got a lot of time. It came in at about the 15 the minute mark. The majority of the match were the Nexus guys working over Daniel Bryan. That’s no surprise since he’s the best worker in the match. He made the hot tag, leading to some Orton and Barrett exchanges. Neither guy could hit their finishers, so things broke down. Otunga got up on the apron, which led to Alex Riley coming into the ring, hitting Orton in the gut with the briefcase and then The Miz hit Orton with the Skull Crushing Finale. Barrett covered for the win. Cena never saw it. The show ended with the Nexus guys putting Barrett on their shoulders just like Barrett said at the start of the show.
I thought they should have made a bigger deal about Miz pinning Orton and how he could do that at Survivor Series. I think Barrett wins the title because Cena has to count the pin, then Cena beats the shit out of Barrett immediately, leaves him laying and Miz comes out, cashes in Money in the Bank and leaves as champion. Then they can do Miz defending against Orton while Cena continues to feud with Barrett.
Three Stars of the Show
1. Santino – He legitimately made me laugh out loud, so for that he gets the honor.
2. Vladimir Kozlov – That segment was gold.
3. Randy Orton – For smiling because Mark Henry was on his team.
Worst Moment of the Week
The pointless divas tag. I hope you still love me, Bellas.
6 out of 10
Last week: 4
I thought it was good in terms of advancing the Cena/Barrett/Orton angle. They really loaded up on it. I’m not sure how many segments they had involving them, but it felt like half the show. The “what will Cena do?” story is working for the most part. I think there are a lot of questions about it. Nobody really knows what will happen.
It’s a shame that there’s nothing else on the Raw side for Survivor Series. Are there going to be singles matches, eight man tags or any titles defended? Next week is the last Raw before Survivor Series, so I assume they’ll announce something there. It should be a 4 on 4 tag from Raw and a 4 on 4 tag from Smackdown. It would be nice if they were announced earlier, though.
Also to WWE’s credit I would say this Raw was funnier than most. I don’t know what it was, but Santino really carried it and gave us one of the funniest segments this year. Well done.
Lastly, my buddy Jeremy Bennett (@JBHuskers on Twitter) put together a match on Smackdown vs. Raw 2011 featuring Mark Henry versus me! He couldn’t get the Bellas theme for me like I wanted, but he got the Kelly Kelly one in there instead. It’s just as ridiculous, so I approve. Enjoy it, fella. I think on our podcast this week my buddy Jason Lynch & I are going to provide play by play of this match.
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John Canton – firstname.lastname@example.org
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